How to deal with (deja vu) feeling in your love life
A relationship is composed of friendship, sexual attraction, intellectual compatibility, and, of course, love. Love is the glue that keeps a relationship strong and solid. It is deeply biological.
Think about this. You’re taking a stroll in a park or dining at a restaurant in the city with your partner when it suddenly dawns on you that you have done all of this before, but with someone else! This experience of a déjà vu, meaning a feeling of familiarity when doing something with your current partner, is quite normal, much say. But the question is, to what extent.
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Vibe Of The Place
Take for instance Meghna Bansal, a lawyer from Bengaluru. She shares: “My boyfriend booked us a great winter holiday at a resort in Coorg. When he started narrating how he had come here before with a female friend, I figured an ex, it hit me hard. He could have easily booked us another hotel! Though, he assured me he loved the vibe of the place and memories didn’t make much of a difference.”
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On the other hand, for Chaitanya Pathak, it was comforting, “I started dating this new girl and we hung out a lot and texted all the time and we were very much into each other. There were moments that were too similar to the moments I had with my ex. It felt weird but comforting at the same moment so I kept leaning into it.”
But what does it mean for your current relationship? It all depends on the feelings evoked by the déjà vu, “If the familiar situation evokes a sense of comfort or happiness, take it as a positive and affirming sign. Also, it has more to do with you as a person and not the exl,” says Priyanka Jangra, a marketing professional who has experienced this.
Recollecting Past Memories
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While it may seem normal to recollect past memories, it is essential for a couple to understand if this is a frequent occurrence for either partner. “The healthy thing to do would be to let the past stay in the past. But if you are at a point where your partner can’t let go of what happened, it only sets both up for heartache. And that’s a sign that it’s time to take care of yourself,” says Kanika Khosla, a psychologist.
What did experts believe
Experts also believe one must give themselves an appropriate time frame to heal from a past relationship, rather than jumping right into a new one. “Acknowledge that the feeling is natural and not to be feared, but resist the urge of getting rid of the feeling as it only makes things worse. Establish new and meaningful friendships, utilize your free time doing more productive activities and see how things pan out for you. It may take somewhere between six months to a year before you are able to move on completely,”